soft mumblies.

i think i just had a panic attack reading a book description.

ooooh fuck man, i’m such a moron. i can’t even. just. someone. help.　

On the student loan papers they ask you how much money you’ll have in your bank account at the beginning of term and I laugh and think darkly, “well…how responsible do you think I’m going to be until then?”

i know that it is uncouth and petty to boast as such, but i just saw my ex with a new girl as i was coming back from the Roger Waters show, and darlings, I am winning.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I have night terrors and talk in my sleep. Now, you’d think that because I know that I have night terrors and talk (scream…) in my sleep sometimes that I wouldn’t really do anything to provoke it. And I don’t, not really and more often than not the phenomena occurs unprovoked. But occasionally I watch horror movies, alone, in the dark…sometimes everything is fine and it’s not a trigger at all, but then other times…

well last night was one of those nights where it was a trigger. I watched The Tunnel (available for free here: http://www.vodo.net/thetunnel) and it was totally fantastic. I hadn’t expected much, always dubious of the documentary/hand-held film style at first (but actually usually quite pleased with it because it seems to have an ability at making people more real more often than not). But yes, totally fantastic, awesomely scary and apparently enough to set me off.

I woke up several times during the night, once with sleep paralysis, which always sucks and is completely horrifying when it’s happening but totally explainable afterwards. Each time that I woke up I was inherently aware that I was still afraid of the dark. Still verses under normal circumstances not at all, so it was a lot of huddling under the blankets and smothering my cat. My theory always is that if the cat isn’t freaking out, than everything is fine.

When I woke up briefly to feed Chi, I actually turned on the lights because I was so uneasy. This is totally unnecessary because I feed the cat in the dark every day and know perfectly well where everything is.

When I did finally wake up which was way past my alarm probably because I was so tired from so frequently waking up in the middle of the night, my eyes were uncommonly crusty and the salt from what I presume were tears and it was that gross smeared feeling all around my cheeks. Really uncomfortable way to wake up. However, asides from knowing that I’d woken up several times and once with sleep paralysis, I don’t actually remember much. Well, asides from that I recommend watching this movie.

Eheheh i forgot about this…when my uncle came to visit, he brought a shirt that my aunt had bought for me and it’s got this cool little faerie print on a grey shirt and false black sleeves. Apparently everyone was worried that it wouldn’t fit but I tried it on and sure enough it was perfect because my Grandma’s got a good eye for that sort of thing.

Anyways, when I checked the sizing later it said it was a large; i’m pretty small so the only explanation is that my family went shopping in the children’s section for me xD

So I’m glad they didn’t choose a pink bieber shirt I suppose ehehhe.

uses TARDIS mug as hot water bottle.

spills scalding water all over.

i just bought (crap) tickets (but even crap tickets are better than the uber crap tickets) to the Roger Waters show at the end of the month -_-. Which is going to be amazing. But I spend a redonk amount of $$$ on shows. Pllllefh. This month alone I’ve seen Van Halen (actually procured by my uncle, so thank-you uncle al <3 RUUUUUNNIN’ WITH THE DEVIL), Yann Tiersen and I’ve still got Bon Iver and now Roger Waters. Performing the bleeding Wall though, argh it’s gonna be amazing.

If only I had someone as fiscally irresponsible as me and also interested in a fairly wide range of music to go to these damn things with. I have most of the venues worked out in terms of when to show up and how to calculate that for optimal viewing distances.

But I dunno, tumblr, social anxiety makes these things really hard sometimes, but it’s better to challenge myself and go out and deal rather than sit at home in my nerd cocoon. I shouldn’t even be complaining because I at least have the opportunity to see these things.

ANYWAYS. I REGRET NOTHING.

heh, i love hanging out with my uncles. we went to zulu records, pilfered everything, then came back and had tea and chocolate and listened to our impeccable taste in music. Clearly this is a family thing.　

So I talk in my sleep. I’ve known that for a couple years, and I don’t really know when it started if it’s just always been that way. Apparently when I do this it’s usually kind of scary (though I think part of it is because people try to wake me up and that makes it worse). Anyways, there’s often a lot of yelling; my dreams tend to be anywhere on a scale of manageable crisis, to bad, to night terror.

(generally this doesn’t bother me because it’s interesting and freakishly narrative so kind of a lot exciting…what the hell does that say about my personality…)

I was talking to my uncle last night because he’s staying over for the night before my other uncle gets here and I usually run through a disclaimer of “by the way, if you hear me at night, please don’t worry and definitely don’t try to wake me up”. But then it occured to me, that because I lived at his place for two years, he might already know so I asked him instead, “So…when I lived in Edmonton with you, did I talk and yell in my sleep?”

His reply,

“Oh yeah, all the time. But I never worried about it because a friend of mine does that too.”

Apart from the “XD” face I made, I feel like that was information I could have used before I lived with people that weren’t family.

I’m catsitting my friends cat, Scotty, and it’s not been going over the best with my cat, Chi. They sort of hate each other and then in turn hate me (alarming). Last night they got into a scrap when Scotty tried to use the litter box because i guess Chi was just not having it but instead of just going anywhere, Scotty actually went in the bathtub. Which is…strangely polite. I mean, as far as cats go. Anyways, off to retrieve a separate litter box for our guest.